The Changing of the Seasons & the Tides of the Sea
by NorthernStar
Summary: Kira faces the toughest challenge of her life letting go of the O'Brien's child...


Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters. I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any money. It's just for fun. The title is a line from the theme song of "Only Fools and Horses…" and that's copyright the bloke who wrote it so I'm borrowing that too. 

Rating: PG

Notes: I always felt the Kira 'surrogacy' story was brushed under the carpet by thoughtless and idiotic MALE script writers who failed to understand that the strongest, most potent thing in nature is the bond between mother and child. (Including those not genetically yours.) So I wrote this. The legislature referred to here concerning birth surrogate and genetic parenthood is the current law in this country (UK).

****

The Changing of the Seasons,

And the Tides of the Sea.

By

NorthernStar

__

He doesn't look like Kei…like his mother. Kira stared down at the tiny pink bundle in the crib. This was the creature she had carried inside her, felt move and kick and twist. How could something like that have fit in there? It was the most amazing thing she'd ever felt in her life.

And the hell of it was, it wasn't real.

Not for her anyway. She had no right to feel so much for this boy. She couldn't allow herself to feel so much.

But her heart was aching with the sensation and she couldn't will it away.

The baby was barely half an hour old, he'd been fed and bathed and dressed in a little white sleepsuit by the O'Brien's. Kira had listened in while she rested after the birth; their happy chatter and the baby's newborn cries coming from the other room and a sudden realisation stabbed her gut. 

She was excluded. 

Shakaar had been sitting with her since the birth, speaking to her as she listened. His voice making a bizarre back ground to her thoughts. When the O'Brien's had dressed the infant, Keiko laid him in the crib while Miles called Dr Bashir for a post-partum check-up. The O'Brien's had left shortly after that, reluctant to leave their son but respecting Kira's privacy. There was also Molly to think of, she was eagerly awaiting news of her new baby brother. Shakaar had offered to stay but she'd told him get something to eat. This was something she wanted to do alone. He had kissed her forehead with a smile and went.

And she'd been staring down at the baby ever since.

The door swished open and Kira felt her heart leap in sudden terror. Her hands had scooped the child up even before the thought of doing so occurred. She clutched him to her chest, the smell of his skin surrounding her.

She felt absurdly relieved when she saw it was Bashir. Her grip relaxed to cradle the little boy in the crook of her arm. He fit there so perfectly she knew that was where he belonged. _In his mother's arms! And that's Keiko!_

"Sorry I kept you waiting, Lt Bennings severed an artery. It took a while to close." Bashir said. He peeked over her shoulder at the infant, "I'll start with him, I think." And he held out his arms.

__

NO! Kira's arms tensed around the child. 

The doctor frowned, "unless you'd rather go first?"

She looked up at Bashir, "no." She said quietly, "here." 

And she gently laid the baby in the doctor's waiting arms. The moment her skin left contact with the child's her heart began to pound. She couldn't breathe, couldn't fill her lungs with enough air to scream. He'd been a part of her for months, and now everyone just expected her to forget that.

"Are you alright, Major?"

__

No I'm not. I want to hold m…the baby. Just a little longer. But she knew if she did, she would never be able to let him go again. "No I…" Kira looked away, "I'm fine, doctor. Just tired."

******

Vedek Rell looked up from the altar as the O'Brien's entered. He smiled in greeting. He'd heard that Nerys's baby had arrived and had been expecting them. They were here to register the birth. 

"May the light of the Prophets shine upon you on this day." He greeted.

"I've got a new brother!" Chirped Molly happily. The Vedek smiled down at her. "He's called Yoshi!"

"And you're here for the Record of Parturition?"

The O'Brien's looked at each other, a sub-conscious search for support from the other, and nodded. "We know that Bajoran law recognises Major Kira as Yoshi's mother and that we have to register the birth here." Said O'Brien; he took his wife's hand. "And that we have to adopt our own child."

Vedek Rell nodded, his eyes apologetic. "That is our law."

"Even though _I'M_ his mother." Keiko felt her husband's hand on her arm; they'd been through this a thousand times before. It wasn't fair. Maybe it wasn't right.

But this was a Bajoran station. And this was Bajoran law.

******

Rell handed the certificate over. A small yellowy paper covered in ornate Bajoran script. O'Brien took it, feeling a knot of anger in his stomach. He read the words on his son's birth certificate. His son…it said, "father unknown." 

Keiko took the certificate from him, her face tense. It was even worse for her. This was her baby but his mother was listed as Kira Nerys.

It didn't seem fair they had to adopt their own child. 

But on Bajor a child's mother was the woman who gave birth to it, even if genetically she was not.

Keiko ran her finger over the lettering spelling her son's birth name and spoke it. Yoshi was the name they'd chosen months ago, but it should've read Yoshi O'Brien not what it did. "Kira Yoshi." She murmured.

Miles hugged his wife, hearing the deep sadness in her voice. "How soon can we perform the…adoption ceremony?"

"I can prepare the temple for the Hal'Hammna today. We can do it tomorrow morning."

******

Kira ran her hand over the saggy mound of her belly, her empty belly, and glanced at the chronometer. It was almost time to go. She'd finally fallen asleep in the early hours and managed to catch a few hours of restless slumber before the computer had announced it was 0730. Time to get up, to go to the temple, to meet the O'Brien's…

And formally sign away any right to the child she'd given birth to the day before.

She had almost put on her maternity uniform but remembered just in time. She was no longer pregnant, and she wouldn't be on duty for the next couple of weeks as her body recovered from the birth. 

Last night she'd said good bye to Shakaar, turning down his offer of a holiday, as the O'Brien's threw a party to introduce the crew to the newest resident of the station.

O990 hours. Time to go.

Kira didn't move. She'd met Odo at the airlock; he was a changeling again. But the price had been the loss of a child. Not his own offspring, but just as much his child.

It was ironic that her best friend was feeling the same pain as her.

O915…still she sat there.

Her comm badge beeped. She slapped it.

"Is there a problem, major? We're at the temple."

"Sorry, chief, I overslept. I'll be there in 2 minutes."

The longest two minutes of her life…

******

Kell had lit the ceremonial candles while they waited for Kira. Molly following him behind, fascinated. She'd lived most of her life on Bajor and the station, most of her friends were Bajoran but this was the first time she'd seen a Bajoran Rite.

Kira entered the Temple, her eyes immediately falling on Yoshi, sleeping in his father's arms. She felt an almost overwhelming need to snatch the child back. Her arms ached to hold him.

Just once. Just for a little while…

But she knew if she did, she'd never let him go.

Kell smiled as he came up to her and took the lobe of her ear between his fingers. "The Prophets are with you, my child." He told her.

She'd felt that. But it was comfort to be told that.

Kieko touched her arm and the two women embraced. For the first time, Kira realised that Kieko realised how she felt. Realised, and maybe understood. 

"How are you?" She asked.

Kira forced the deep well of feelings down, her throat felt like she had something large jammed in it and she couldn't swallow it no matter how hard she tried. "I'm…I'm OK…"

Kieko frowned. "You look tired. Are you sure?"

__

Why ask me? You don't want to know the truth! "I…didn't get a lot of sleep that's all." She said, "how's Yoshi doing?"

A look of complete maternal pride filled Kieko's face. "He's such a good baby."

"Mommy, hurry up. I want to hold a candle!"

Miles O'Brien smiled, "who's says you get to hold a candle?"

"Vedek Kell said!" The little girl replied archly, "he said _everybody_ gets to hold a candle! I'm everybody too!"

Kell smiled beatifically. "The altar is ready. Shall we begin?"

******

The temple was bathed in candlelight. It flickered on the walls and the faces of the people kneeling at the altar facing the tiny newborn who lay there fast asleep.

"…As the light shines so Yoshi's life shines." Rell spoke. He looked towards the major, "Kira Nerys, you were given the gift of this child by the Prophets?"

Kira blinked tears away, glad that the darkness hid the moisture in her eyes. "I was."

"And you wish to entrust this child to others?"

Four pairs of trusting eyes nailed her. "I…I…" The utter panic that had been building from the moment she'd set eyes on Yoshi broke free and Kira began trembling, breathing hard. "I _can't!_" She cried, dropping her candle and running from the temple.

Her blood roared in her ears and the tears coursed freely down her cheeks. She could not hold them back. She was dimly aware of her name being yelled as she ran. Her feet were propelling her along with no conscious effort. The corridor ran out before she did.

Dead-end. 

"Major?" O'Brien called quietly. "Nerys?"

Kira sank down to the floor, total exhaustion overtaking her.

"Nerys?"

She didn't reply, didn't even move.

"I…we know, Kieko and I…we know how hard this must be."

She looked up at him, "no…" she whispered, "you don't…you can't know."

"No, maybe I don't." He agreed. "So tell me…"

"I know that Yoshi's yours…and Keiko's…" But a whole lot of hormones and feminine senses were telling her different. "I know…I know I have to…" She trailed off.

O'Brien waited; patience wasn't his strong suit. Stuff like this wasn't his strong suit. It made him uncomfortable and jittery. Where was his wife when he needed her?

__

Back at the temple. With your son. Worried sick about what's happening so whatever you're gonna say, O'Brien it had been be the right thing.

But he found nothing to say. But it didn't matter. There were no words for Kira to make this easier. It was something she just had to do.

To live with.

She'd been doing it all her life. It was second nature to her. "I know I have to do this," she finished, "I want too." 

"But?"

"It just feels so…." Kira felt tears slip down her cheeks. "So _final._"

"Yoshi wouldn't be here today without you. Keiko and I owe you everything." The chief said, "Major, you're a part of my family. You will always be. We're not just going to forget that. You can see him whenever you like."

Kira felt a little of the tension ease. The raw sense of pain remained, but then it always would.

Yoshi wasn't her son. But she would always love him as dearly as if he was. She would be a part of his life. 

And that was all she really wanted.

Finally she stood, brushing the moisture trails from her cheeks with determination. "Let's go, chief." Her voice was hollow with grief, but strong and steady. "We've got a ceremony to perform."

******

They were back in front of the alter, the candles had burned lower but Yoshi still slept unaware his short life had causes such pain….

And such joy.

"…And his name?" Kell asked as he smiled down at the baby.

Keiko and Miles looked at each other, and then at Kira. "The same." Keiko said, "just as he was born. Kira Yoshi."

The chief nodded, "Kirayoshi O'Brien."

A small gesture of their gratitude, but everything to Kira.

****

~~END~~

I'm dedicating this one to my daughter, Nyssa. 

© T S "NORTHERN STAR" FENN


End file.
